My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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