Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the day after is always just damage control
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
