Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
