I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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