there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
