I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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