and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
