Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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