I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
