I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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