i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
