she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
