I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
