On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
