I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
