I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
