are you so shy because you have an std?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
