4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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