Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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