Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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