The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
