You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
