i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
