I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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