I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
