I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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