I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wear drunk well.
I'm both gender and math confused
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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