I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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