I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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