I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
