I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sext me about skeletons
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
