dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Green mimosas i think yes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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