Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mom said you looked used
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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