her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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