I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
