how can u be prego again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
