You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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