apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
