im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
...so i touched it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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