I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
