Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's always time for handjobs
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
