We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
