You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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