I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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