I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
