I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
