Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
