i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
