So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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