In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
