You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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