Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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