I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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