I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
