Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
