I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
