I'm going to jail i love you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
