I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
