A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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