you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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