No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
