I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize