K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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